Leucadia’s Mom & Pop Resort Manages Grand Opening Rush

The word spread quickly for the much-anticipated grand opening of Leucadia’s Mom & Pop Resort on March 17, 2021.

The Clampett family — perhaps better known as the Beverly Hillbillies — was among the first to know of the resort’s opening and to reserve one of the best suites for an extended stay.

Jed Clampett immediately told the Joads about the opening. Knowing there would be a rush, Tom Joad acted quickly to reserve a suite like the Clampetts’.

The Clampetts and the Joads are not selfish, greedy people. Jed and Tom both passed the word about the opening to Ma and Pa Kettle, suggesting they beat the rush by reserving a suite immediately. The Kettles did just that.

Hosts Mom & Pop were happy to see the Clampetts, the Joads and the Kettles dining in the resort’s gourmet restaurant, lounging around the pool and getting deep-tissue massages.

The three families were happy guests at the Mom & Pop Resort. Only the closest observer detected a touch of dissatisfaction coming from Tom Joad. He was heard to mutter, “In the souls of the people, the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage.”

Mr. Ed Discovered in Plush Olivenhain Barn

After years of searching, private detective Chuck Walla has found talking horse Mr. Ed in a luxurious Olivenhain barn.

Unable to withstand the onslaught of hoofprint seekers, leeching fans and paparazzi, Mr. Ed went into hiding years ago. Then a benefactor left a substantial inheritance to Mr. Ed in her will. Her estate hired Walla to find Mr. Ed so the famous talking horse could get his due. Walla’s discovery took years of sleuthing. Mr. Ed expressed his gratitude:

“At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to admit being me,” said Mr. Ed. “But when the persuasive Walla told me the size of my inheritance, I had to reveal my true identity. The inheritance will relieve my anonymous Olivenhain host of the cost of supporting me. It will ensure my care when I’m put out to pasture. It will let me contribute to my favorite charities while living and through my estate after I go to horse heaven.

“In fact,” said Mr. Ed, “since I’m alive and kicking, I’ve decided to run for the District 4 Encinitas City Council seat that opens in 2022. The seat is held by Joe Mosca. I’m sure I can do a better job of representing Olivenhain residents than Joe. I’ll make stopping that horrendous Goodson project my top priority.

“It goes without saying that a talking palomino with four legs and a gorgeous blond mane and tail can stop Goodson where that two-legged Mosca has failed,” said Mr. Ed. “I’ll prove Orwell’s statement — ‘Four legs good, two legs bad.’

“To protect my host, my barn mates and myself,” said Mr. Ed, “I won’t trot out my location and contact information. But you can bet I’ll hit the campaign trail at a gallop. 

“I say Yea — not Neigh — Olivenhain!”

Encinitas Mayor Blakespear to Launch Podcast

As part of her California District 36 Senate race, politically ambitious Encinitas Mayor and SANDAG Chairperson Catherine Blakespear will launch a podcast called Stairway, she said. Listeners can access Stairway on their devices using a browser and Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or other providers.

Guests will include politicians, business people, activists, attorneys, intellectuals, writers, artists, musicians, chefs and other movers and shakers, said Blakespear.

California District 76 Assemblymember Tasha Boerner Horvath will be an early guest. Blakespear and Boerner Horvath will discuss fulfilling elected terms, anonymously submitting gerrymandered city electoral districts, making local streets nearly impossible for drivers to use, and talking too much, said Blakespear.

PAC people Michael and Paula Verdu are on the upcoming guest list. The host and the Verdus will discuss how to tilt elections with money. Well-known, deceptive advertising and marketing techniques are used to sell candidates to trusting, unsuspecting voters, said Blakespear. The Verdus are masters at getting candidates into office who don’t truly represent their constituents.

“Environmental” attorney Marco Gonzalez has also signed on to be a guest. He and the host will discuss how to build and maintain a lucrative local law practice by representing developers who want to pack dense housing projects into seaside communities where real estate values are extraordinarily high, said Blakespear.

Stairway will be an equal opportunity podcast, said Blakespear. Listeners can expect to hear a wide diversity of voices. Transparency and open discussion are fundamental in a vibrant democracy, she said. Listeners are invited to tune in.

Kranz Makes Good on Pledge to Do Everything Wrong

“When I rode into a City Council seat on Lisa Shaffer’s coattails in 2012,” said Tony Kranz, “I committed to doing everything wrong. That meant I would have to throw city ordinances, residents’ input and common sense out the window. Now, in early 2021, I’m proud to say I’ve succeeded past my wildest imagination.

“The latest example of my success at wrongdoing is my proposal to install at-grade railroad pedestrian and bike crossings between La Costa Avenue and Leucadia Boulevard,” said Kranz. “Since a $13 million undercrossing at El Portal is under construction, no additional at-grade crossings are necessary south of Leucadia Boulevard. It’s only about half a mile from Leucadia Boulevard to El Portal and about another half a mile from El Portal to Encinitas Boulevard. From either direction, it’s a short walk to the El Portal undercrossing.

“Another undercrossing has been suggested for Hillcrest Drive and Grandview Street,” said Kranz, “but there are no plans or funding in the works, so it’s doubtful that project will get underway anytime soon. That makes at-grade crossings the way to go.

“Some people have said lowering the tracks from Encinitas Boulevard to La Costa Avenue and installing crossings from rim to rim would be a better solution,” said Kranz. “I know that’s what Solana Beach did and Carlsbad will do with SANDAG’s blessing, but I don’t have the balls to go for it in Encinitas and, besides, it would violate my pledge to do everything wrong.

“I have to stick with my militaristic attitude and blockhead thinking to keep my self-respect,” said Kranz. “That means keeping my pledge and that, in turn, means at-grade crossings between La Costa Avenue and Leucadia Boulevard.”