Encinitas Resort Infested With Bedbugs and Crabs

A crowd of unwelcome visitors has descended upon the Mom & Pop Resort in the northwestern Encinitas community of Leucadia.

Normally any hotel would welcome guests with open arms, suites, restaurants, pools and spas. But these visitors are insects — bedbugs and crabs to be exact. The infestation spread with unusual speed and thoroughness. Human guests reported sightings, crawlings and bites in every nook and cranny of the hotel and their bodies.

Knowing the persistence, resilience and stealth of bedbugs, Mom & Pop were quick to bring in Acme Fumigators. At post time, the bedbug infestation was said to have gone down to defeat.

To be clear, the crabs were not the kind you find on the beach — either burrowed into the sand or in the ocean itself. These crabs are far more personal. They are extremely small, and they infest people’s nether regions. In a quite amazing survival strategy, they lay even-smaller eggs called nits that wrap themselves around individual pubic hairs.

Being astute observers, Mom & Pop recognized that ridding the resort and its human guests of crabs and nits was not a job for Acme Fumigators. Accordingly, Mom & Pop provided complimentary bottles of Nix® and luxurious nit combs. 

During personal instruction sessions, resort personnel cautioned hotel guests to closely follow the Nix® directions and demonstrated nitpicking on anatomically correct manikins.

To facilitate the crab- and nit-riddance process, Mom & Pop provided complimentary magnifying glasses, hand mirrors and tweezers.

Just before post time, resort spokesperson Gary Indiana reported that not only was the crabs infestation under control but completely eliminated. Indiana apologized for the inconvenience, admitted that not even imposing, overpriced resorts are immune from insect infestations, and offered affected guests credits and complimentary future stays.

California State Senate Candidate Is Not Depressed

As Encinitas mayor and SANDAG chair, as a San Diego Airport Authority, Encinitas Housing Authority, Encinitas Financial Authority, San Dieguito Water District, San Elijo Joint Powers Authority board member and a state Senate candidate, Catherine Blakespear has effectively declared she is not depressed.

In a recent newsletter, Blakespear said she is “excited . . . enthusiastic . . . happy . . . and tremendously proud.”

Residents of Encinitas, the San Diego region, the 36th state Senate district and the state of California should not only be relieved but overjoyed that such an important, consequential and ambitious person as Blakespear is on the sunny side of life.

As an elected official since 2014, Blakespear has mastered blakespeak, a means of oral and written communication that conveys optimism and positivity while downplaying or ignoring negativity and failure. Wags have noted that the first letters of the syllables in both Blakespear and blakespeak are BS.

As a state Senate candidate using blakespeak, Blakespear said, “I’ll build consensus, transparently communicate, bridge divides and remain laser-focused on results.” She will focus on “opportunity, sustainability and prosperity,” she said.

Continuing in blakespeak, Blakespear said, “Throughout my career, I have bridged divides, found common ground, and built coalitions to win elections, deliver for constituents, and strengthen our communities.”

Blakespear concluded in blakespeak, “As a state senator, I will work tirelessly to make healthcare and housing more affordable, promote green policies to cool the climate, and create a just economic recovery from the consequences of the pandemic. During my time in public service, I have a history of bringing people together to find common ground and get big things done. That’s what we need in our state leaders, and that’s why I am running for state Senate.”

Blakespear demonstrates her optimism by already having an office in Sacramento. Now that’s positive thinking! 

Encinitas City Councilman Goes Criminally Rogue

Tony Kranz, who has been an Encinitas councilman since 2012 and is now deputy mayor, illegally recorded a court hearing and posted the sound file on his website. He wrote:

“This is a bootleg recording of a judicial hearing held virtually with Judge Maas presiding in the matter of City of Encinitas vs. California Department of Housing and Community Development with Preserve Prop A as Intervenors, in an effort to get Declaratory Relief from the voting provisions of Prop A when needed to comply with state housing laws.

“My prediction is that Judge Maas will not grant Declaratory Relief.”

Shortly thereafter, Kranz removed the sound file from his website and changed “This is” to “This was.”

At post time, it’s not known if Kranz will be held accountable for his blatantly illegal act.

Kranz is well known for his anti-Prop A stance. Some time after voters passed Proposition A on June 18, 2013, Kranz said from the City Council dais that he wanted to “kill this thing.”

With his recent illegal act, Kranz’s enthusiasm to kill Prop A seems to have gotten the better of him.

Councilwoman Hinze Yells at Kids for Not Pedaling

Encinitas Councilwoman Kellie Hinze has evidently gone off the mayor’s ever-bland reservation. According to local social media, Hinze has been yelling at kids for riding e-bikes rather than traditional pedal bikes.

“Hey, I’ve been pushing people to ride bikes for years,” said Hinze. “I can count on two hands the number of people who have followed my advice. OK, maybe I’d have to use my toes too, but the point is the number is really small. Then what happens? E-bikes! They’re all over the place. How quickly the spread swamped us is stunning.

“I don’t begrudge Niko and his dad making bucks by selling e-bikes,” said Hinze, “but, really, how different is an e-bike from a Vespa? And I mean an electric Vespa, not the old ones with a two-stroke engine where you mix the oil and gas and pollute like crazy. For e-bikes, no registration and plate required, no driver’s license. There’s a 16 year-old-rider requirement but only if the bike can go faster than 28 mph.

“Riding a pedal bike is good exercise for anybody but especially for kids,” said Hinze. “Kids have a lot of energy. Pedaling is good for them. It builds strong bodies in more ways than Wonder bread. With an e-bike, kids just sit there and steer. It’s sedentary – like sitting at a computer, a game console or a TV.

“Well, I’m realistic enough to know kids won’t go back to pedal bikes,” said Hinze, “even though they’re good exercise and much cheaper than e-bikes. Kids can be fat and happy while zipping all over town. I’ll just push safety and hope no kid runs me down with one of those speedy balloon-wheelers.”