Encinitas Mayor and City Council Announce ADUipelago

“We think we have the solution to homelessness and the paucity of affordable housing in Encinitas,” said Mayor Catherine Blakespear. “It’s a string of ADUs and JADUs meandering through the city. It would resemble an archipelago, so we call it an ADUipelago. It has nothing to do with gulags, so no bad jokes please. And to be clear, it would have both ADUs and JADUs, but ADUJADUipelago is too awkward to write, let alone say, so we settled on ADUipelago.

“For the ADUipelago to succeed in its mission,” said Blakespear, “many property owners would have to participate by building ADUs or JADUs on their properties. On top of that, they would have to offer the units for rent at affordable rates so low income and homeless people could live in them. To facilitate this public/private effort, the city is offering architectural plans free of charge and has streamlined the permit and approval process.

“One of the several blessings of having an ADUipelago meandering through the city is maintaining community character,” said Blakespear. “ADUs and JADUs are far less intrusive than plopping crammed density bonus developments into single-family-home neighborhoods.

“Another blessing is avoiding monstrosity apartment house and condo developments,” said Blakespear. “If we can meet our required low income housing numbers and get HCD approval with ADUs and JADUs, the pressure to build monstrosities that are mostly market rate housing will lessen if not disappear.

“So the other council members and I encourage Encinitas property owners to join the ADUipelago movement,” said Blakespear. “Let’s cooperate in a public/private effort to solve our low income and homeless housing problem. It’s the right thing to do for our people and our city.”

Encinitas Locals Suggest Appointees to Fill District 3 Council Seat

As unfair and undemocratic as it is, it’s much more likely the Encinitas City Council will appoint a Cardiff resident to fill the recently vacated District 3 seat than it is they’ll announce a special election.

Therefore, locals have suggested these appointees: Tricia Smith, David Dozier, Teresa Barth, Ellis Crane, Michael Verdu, Julie Thunder, Mickey Fremont, Eleanor Musick, Peter Stern, Charlie Sougias, Gerald Sodomka, Cliff Leffingwell, Paula Verdu, Mo Muir, Kathy Stebila, Jeremy Blakespear, Marie Dardarian, Brad Roth, Jim Wang, Howard Benedict, Noelle Driscoll, Dietmar Rothe, Jac Flanders, Lorri Greene, Bill Bahne, Jean-Pierre Cocco and Mark Muir.

Other locals have commented: Some of those suggested would have to serve posthumously. Some of those suggested don’t live in Cardiff anymore or never have. Some of those suggested are corrupt hacks. Some of those suggested would define nepotism. Some of those suggested don’t want the seat.

Still other locals have said: We want a special election!

Fox News Says the Moon Is Made of Cream Cheese

Fox News, backed up by its celebrity hosts, recently reported that the moon is made of cream cheese. Recognizing Fox as the leader among conservative television networks, One America News and Newsmax quickly followed. Conservative radio talk show hosts and websites confirmed the declaration.

The Trump-Pence administration immediately announced a joint operation by the Space Force, NASA and SpaceX to mine the moon for its immense supply of cream cheese. Conservatives nationwide voiced their support for the mining mission.

“The cost and risks of the mission are significant,” said Chuck Waggin, “but there’s so much cream cheese up there on the moon that bringing it back here to Earth is worth it. Otherwise, we’d have to keep shipping it across the country all the way from Philadelphia.”

“Cream cheese is one of my favorite foods,” said Betsy Wetsy. “It comes from cows. I mean it’s a dairy product. All those poor mommy cows giving up the milk that should go to their baby cows, it’s just not right. So if we can get it from the moon, I say that’s the better thing to do.”

“If you don’t homogenize milk, the cream in it rises to the top,” said Mark Miwords. “They have to produce a whole lot of milk to get a little bit of cream. Then they make cheese from the cream. It’s really inefficient. The ratio is way out of whack. So I say mining the moon’s cream cheese is a much better way to go.”

Preparation for the first cream cheese moon mission is under way. Expect the launch date announcement soon.

 

 

Leucadia’s Mom & Pop Resort Will Host COVID Refugees

Being charitable sorts, Mom and Pop of Leucadia’s Mom & Pop Resort have announced they will host COVID refugees in their nearly completed hospitality facility at the intersection of Highway 101 and La Costa Avenue.

COVID refugees from anywhere on the planet will be welcome as long as they follow strict safety protocols. Immediately before checking in, refugees must test negative for the virus. Then they must test negative for seven successive days while living in isolation in the hotel room of their choice. During the quarantine period, COVID-free staff members will deliver no-contact meals and attend to refugees’ other needs.

Following a virus-free isolation period, refugees will have free run of the resort, its grounds and adjacent beach. They will be required to wear masks and practice social distancing. As daily testing continues, any refugee who tests COVID positive will be referred to local medical care.

The resort building and everything in it will be sanitized three times a day. The Mom & Pop Resort will be maintained as a COVID-free zone. The San Diego County Health and Human Services Agency will test the premises daily. The refugee program will be continued only upon daily COVID-free certification.

For reservations, contact the Mom & Pop Resort at 1-855-878-6700.