Surfing Madonna Arrested for Illegally Surfing in Encinitas

“Is this religious discrimination?” the Surfing Madonna said as lifeguards pulled her from the ocean near Moonlight Beach, confiscated her board and took her into detention. “Is it misogyny? Do you have something against goofy foots?” she challenged the guards. “I can see to it that your steps turn to stone!” she warned.

The Madonna does not see herself as violating beach closures and surfing bans during the coronavirus crisis.

“As a divine being,” said the Madonna, “I am immune to corporeal diseases. I cannot contract or transmit them. Therefore, there’s no danger to me or any mortals. The declaration against surfing does not apply to me. If the lifeguards insist, there could be wrath. The very least retribution would be banning them from Guadalupe Hot Springs.

“I would ask the city of Encinitas,” said the Madonna, “Who finds the money when you pay the rent? Did you think that money was heaven sent?”