There’s a Pronounced Difference

As a segue from dengue, it would be a catastrophe if Phoebe, Daphne or Persephone lapsed into syncope while wearing a serape, eating sesame and searching for a fettucine recipe in a wickape hut. 

If a wannabe misplaced an apostrophe while tuning a calliope, that wouldn’t be a simile but the epitome would be worthy of study by a haole. 

Maybe an aborigine would say gimme acne and reach the acme while eating abalone with guacamole or tickling an anemone in an adobe facsimile near tule.

Never mind, it’s hyperbole!

City Council Welcomes First Encinitas Skyscraper

What’s a nice little coastal city without its own skyscraper? Not much, according to the Encinitas City Council.

Mandy Baddaughter proposed a double solution to the affordable housing and unused Pacific View property problems by bringing a skyscraper development proposal before the Planning Commission.

The skyscraper would top out at 75 stories of apartments. The bottom 50 stories would be a mix of one-, two- and three-bedroom affordable units. The top 25 stories would be market-rate units, with a luxury penthouse taking up the whole 75th floor. Observation floors, a spire and a rotating beacon would cap the building. Parking would be underground and water-scarce landscaping would surround the tower at ground level.

Residents lined up 126 deep to speak in opposition to the skyscraper at the Planning Commission meeting. They raised many negatives about the project and were met with applause from attendees.

Baddaughter presented her side of the argument in a PowerPoint presentation. She was booed and hissed by the crowd.

A geotechnical engineer, a geologist, an anthropologist, an archaeologist, a hydrologist, a traffic engineer, a zoning consultant, a land-use attorney, an astronomer and the fire chief gave their assessments of the project. Nobody had anything good to say.

After a few minutes’ discussion, the Planning Commission unanimously denied the project.

Two weeks later, the Baddaughter project came before the City Council for consideration. Because there was so much public opposition, each speaker was limited to one minute. Pretty much the same people who had spoken to the Planning Commission said pretty much the same things to the council, only shorter.

Baddaughter did her PowerPoint, the same experts who had presented to the Planning Commission made their arguments, and Mayor Blakespear thanked everyone for their input, noting how valuable it had been.

The council blah-blahed for a few minutes, Councilman Mosca made a motion to approve the project, Councilman Kranz seconded the motion, Mayor Blakespear called the question, no discussion ensued, the clerk polled the members, and the council unanimously approved the skyscraper.

Encinitas City Attorney Pens Self-Help Book

With a tip of her bonnet to Dale Carnegie, Encinitas City Attorney Margo Gonzalez has written and self-published a self-help book titled How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.

“There’s no better way to release a self-help book than to self-publish it,” said Gonzalez. “Anything else would be contradictory.”

Self-help books usually point out how people can improve themselves and their relationships with others. By doing that, the books assert, people will lead happier and more successful lives. Not so the Gonzalez book.

“Sure, I know other self-help books are about kissing ass,” said Gonzalez, “but mine is about kicking ass. Nobody’s going to get anywhere by brown-nosing and volunteering to get steamrollered. That’s a recipe for failure.”

Gonzalez acknowledges her approach is contrarian, but she has her justifications.

“Anyone who goes around sucking up to everybody gets no respect,” said Gonzalez. “It’s humiliating. It squashes your self-esteem. It makes you weak. To succeed in life, you have to be strong, you have to whip your enemies, you have to vanquish your foes. It’s not honorable competition. It’s dog eat dog, and the dog with the biggest teeth wins.”

Gonzalez says she didn’t get to be city attorney by being a pushover. To hold her position, and keep her handsome salary, benefits and pension, she says she has to maintain a defensive crouch. If challenged, she has to come out with both guns blazing.

“So, no, I’m not in the business of winning friends and influencing people,” said Gonzalez. “I take the opposite approach, and I recommend it to everybody. That’s what my self-help book is about.”

Governor Newsom Officially Closes California, Says It’s Full.

“I’m stating nothing new here,” said Newsom. “I’m simply getting ahead of the trend. Historically, our state population has always been on the incline, sometimes very steeply. But now it’s actually declined. That’s OK because at almost 40 million, our population is too big.

“That many people packed into a place even as big as California creates a list of problems so long I can’t remember them all,” said Newsom. “So today I’m officially closing the state. No new wannabe residents are allowed to settle and, on top of that, current residents are encouraged to move out. Please go impact some other governor’s state.

“We have more than a dozen wildfires raging in the state,” said Newsom. “We have countless homeless people living on the streets everywhere. We’re running out of water. Farms are going dry. We’re much of the country’s food basket, but we’re in a death spiral. Now the Delta variant is pushing Covid up out of control. Yet with all that, real estate values are astronomical and still climbing.

“As governor,” said Newsom, “it’s my job to protect the residents and resources of the state. That’s the current residents who are determined to stay and the resources that are suffering damage, decline and decay. To do that, the executive decision I’m announcing today is the state’s closure. If conditions improve at some time during my tenure, making it reasonable to reverse my decision, I’ll do that. California is hereby closed.”

Presumptive State Senator Will Reject Encinitas Activists’ Pleas

“As far as I’m concerned, they can all go pound sand,” said presumptive state Senator Catherine Blakespear, a candidate for the 36th District seat. “Those ingrate activists have been dumping on me for years. Nothing I do is good enough for them. So when I’m elected to the state Senate, they can come whining and begging to me, but I won’t give them a thing. What goes around comes around. Since those ungrateful bastards haven’t done a thing for me in my political career, I don’t feel obligated to do anything for them.”

Politicians usually don’t openly alienate any of their constituents. They try to appease everybody or at least occasionally throw their opponents a bone.

“Why should I even listen to those ingrate activists?” said Blakespear. “They’re constantly raking me over the coals on social media like Encinitas Votes. Their names are on that site, but on Encinitas Undercover they’re anonymous. It’s probably a lot of the same people skewering me on both sites. When they come to me after I’m elected as District 36 senator, I’ll return the hatred. I’ll reject their pleas.”

Politicians have to be extremely confident in election victory to condemn some of the very people they’re supposed to represent and serve.

“Those slimeballs even go after my mom, my husband and my kids,” said Blakespear. “I won’t give them the time of day. They can bet their lives I’ll keep that promise. I’ll just go about pursuing my ultra-progressive agenda and my devotion to the BIA and other major campaign contributors.”