Encinitavirus Infects City Council, Staff, Commissioners and Consultants

“That damn insidious encinitavirus has been spreading through our city government for years,” said resident Zach Zamboni. “It’s now infected every City Council member, the entire staff, almost all the commission members and even the consultants. It’s completely taken over.

“The virus eats away at the brains of its victims,” said Zamboni. “It destroys the conscience and reduces infected people to acting only in self-interest and to benefit special interests. It blinds victims to behaving on behalf of city residents.

“Victims appear and sound normal on the surface,” said Zamboni. “The disease manifests in behavior. While maintaining apparent normalcy and politeness, victims internally scheme and then act completely against the public’s interests.

“The medical community is baffled by the encinitavirus,” said Zamboni. “The disease is subtle. It creeps and it’s creepy. The full effect takes months to manifest. Its pace makes it hard to defend against, let alone stop. No evidence of damage turns up on scans. Because it affects the brain, tissue samples can’t be taken from live victims and examined under a microscope.

“The only remedy seems to be replacement,” said Zamboni. “But we’re talking a couple hundred people here. If they can’t all be replaced at once, the remaining people will likely infect the new ones. It’s a serious dilemma. Citizen groups are puzzling over a solution.”

Olivenhain Apartment Tenants Demand Stables

Prospective tenants in the colorfully named Encinitas Boulevard Apartments have united to demand horse stables as part of the project.

If approved, the project will be built near the intersection of Encinitas Boulevard and Rancho Santa Fe Road. That puts it in Olivenhain, which is known for its horse properties.

“Since I would be living in Olivenhain,” said prospective tenant Inya Croup, “I want a stable stall for my gelding. And I’m not the only one. Most of our group members want stalls.”

The proposed by-right project started out as 277 apartments. But the developer withdrew that plan and came back with a 283-unit complex. If the developer accepts the stable demands, how the number of apartments, the giant parking garage, grounds and access lane would be affected is unknown.

“That 283 is a huge number of units,” said Croup. “It’s far more than any apartment house in Encinitas. The developer can easily cut back so he can include stables.”

Attempts to reach the developer for comment failed.

“Lima beans and olives are part of Olivenhain’s past,” said Croup, “but horses are the present. Plenty of people in the community have them. Apartment tenants could ride their horses for nearby errands. That would reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Collecting the horse chestnuts and giving them to local gardeners would help create rich soil and produce bumper crops.”

Encinitas City Council Tests Homeless Parking Lot

“Because I’m so close to my constituents,” said Encinitas Mayor Catherine Blakespear, “I thought it would be fitting for the council members to experience the new homeless overnight parking lot on the city-leased Leichtag property. I asked my four colleagues for their thoughts and they agreed, so we tested the lot shortly after Jewish Family Service began accepting overnight guests.”

“While I think a homeless shelter that provides bathing facilities and other amenities is a more compassionate way to go,” said Deputy Mayor Kellie Hinze, “a safe, secure overnight parking lot is a good start. I joined the mayor and my other three colleagues on sleepover test night.”

“First I want to thank the mayor and the other council members for their participation,” said Councilman Joe Mosca. “I also want to thank the Leichtag and Jewish Family Service people for their compassion and volunteerism. They have stepped up to meet the challenge to help people who are down on their luck. However, like the mayor’s school-age children, my two boys refused to sleep in my car overnight on the Leichtag property. I had to respect their wishes. I bundled up against the cold and spent test night alone in my car in the lot.”

“For a more complete homeless experience,” said Councilman Tony Kranz, “I slept in my electric car in the lot, ate day-old donuts from Leucadia Donuts in the morning before the lot’s scheduled closing time, and showered at the Y across the street. The overnight stay affirmed my preference to allow homeless parking at other lots in Encinitas. Although my Alaska homeless period was brief, it gave me empathy for the homeless plight. Providing overnight parking lots is the least we can do as a city. I support doing more.”

“As an accountant,” said Councilwoman Jody Hubbard, “my not joining my four council colleagues in the homeless parking lot overnight stay did not add up. It was a test I was happy to perform even though the Leichtag property is not in my district. Actually, I was quite surprised to get such a good night’s sleep. I brought a flashlight so I could keep up on reading city documents between sundown and my usual bedtime.”