Encinitavirus Infects City Council, Staff, Commissioners and Consultants

“That damn insidious encinitavirus has been spreading through our city government for years,” said resident Zach Zamboni. “It’s now infected every City Council member, the entire staff, almost all the commission members and even the consultants. It’s completely taken over.

“The virus eats away at the brains of its victims,” said Zamboni. “It destroys the conscience and reduces infected people to acting only in self-interest and to benefit special interests. It blinds victims to behaving on behalf of city residents.

“Victims appear and sound normal on the surface,” said Zamboni. “The disease manifests in behavior. While maintaining apparent normalcy and politeness, victims internally scheme and then act completely against the public’s interests.

“The medical community is baffled by the encinitavirus,” said Zamboni. “The disease is subtle. It creeps and it’s creepy. The full effect takes months to manifest. Its pace makes it hard to defend against, let alone stop. No evidence of damage turns up on scans. Because it affects the brain, tissue samples can’t be taken from live victims and examined under a microscope.

“The only remedy seems to be replacement,” said Zamboni. “But we’re talking a couple hundred people here. If they can’t all be replaced at once, the remaining people will likely infect the new ones. It’s a serious dilemma. Citizen groups are puzzling over a solution.”