BIA: If We Build It, Water Will Come

“It’s a law of physics discovered by Isaac Newton,” said BIA spokesman Toro Mierda. “Buildings, asphalt and concrete attract rain. Much more rain falls on developed areas than undeveloped areas.

“We have nothing to worry about here in California or anywhere in the arid West,” said Mierda. “We already have the solution. It’s more development. More homes, more commercial buildings, more roads, more parking lots, more people. If we cover the land with development, we’ll get more rain.

“The reason for the drought in California and throughout the arid West is we haven’t developed enough of the land,” said Mierda. “It’s obvious that if we developed the Sierra Nevada and the Rocky Mountains, we’d get more snowfall in the winter and rainfall in the summer. 

“The snow would melt and run downhill just like the rain,” said Mierda. “We’d have plenty of drinking, bathing, sprinkling, car-washing, swimming and farm water. There would be no shortages or rationing. Millions upon millions more people could live in California, Nevada, Arizona and other Western states.

“We could get rid of the desalination facilities,” said Mierda. “They kill a lot of fish and other marine life, and the salt slag they dump back in the ocean makes it way too salty.

“So all the NIMBYs should wake up to the reality that the BIA already knows,” said Mierda. “We’re tired of hearing the naysayers whining. The answer is more development. Unlimited development will bring the rain!”