Governor Newsom Officially Closes California, Says It’s Full.

“I’m stating nothing new here,” said Newsom. “I’m simply getting ahead of the trend. Historically, our state population has always been on the incline, sometimes very steeply. But now it’s actually declined. That’s OK because at almost 40 million, our population is too big.

“That many people packed into a place even as big as California creates a list of problems so long I can’t remember them all,” said Newsom. “So today I’m officially closing the state. No new wannabe residents are allowed to settle and, on top of that, current residents are encouraged to move out. Please go impact some other governor’s state.

“We have more than a dozen wildfires raging in the state,” said Newsom. “We have countless homeless people living on the streets everywhere. We’re running out of water. Farms are going dry. We’re much of the country’s food basket, but we’re in a death spiral. Now the Delta variant is pushing Covid up out of control. Yet with all that, real estate values are astronomical and still climbing.

“As governor,” said Newsom, “it’s my job to protect the residents and resources of the state. That’s the current residents who are determined to stay and the resources that are suffering damage, decline and decay. To do that, the executive decision I’m announcing today is the state’s closure. If conditions improve at some time during my tenure, making it reasonable to reverse my decision, I’ll do that. California is hereby closed.”

Presumptive State Senator Will Reject Encinitas Activists’ Pleas

“As far as I’m concerned, they can all go pound sand,” said presumptive state Senator Catherine Blakespear, a candidate for the 36th District seat. “Those ingrate activists have been dumping on me for years. Nothing I do is good enough for them. So when I’m elected to the state Senate, they can come whining and begging to me, but I won’t give them a thing. What goes around comes around. Since those ungrateful bastards haven’t done a thing for me in my political career, I don’t feel obligated to do anything for them.”

Politicians usually don’t openly alienate any of their constituents. They try to appease everybody or at least occasionally throw their opponents a bone.

“Why should I even listen to those ingrate activists?” said Blakespear. “They’re constantly raking me over the coals on social media like Encinitas Votes. Their names are on that site, but on Encinitas Undercover they’re anonymous. It’s probably a lot of the same people skewering me on both sites. When they come to me after I’m elected as District 36 senator, I’ll return the hatred. I’ll reject their pleas.”

Politicians have to be extremely confident in election victory to condemn some of the very people they’re supposed to represent and serve.

“Those slimeballs even go after my mom, my husband and my kids,” said Blakespear. “I won’t give them the time of day. They can bet their lives I’ll keep that promise. I’ll just go about pursuing my ultra-progressive agenda and my devotion to the BIA and other major campaign contributors.”

Encinitas4Equality: A Solution in Search of a Problem

It’s widely known that Encinitas has been a hotbed of racism and discrimination against minorities since J.S. Pitcher founded the town in 1881.

Pitcher was a white guy. He started the white supremacy that flowered then flowed through the generations to today. The record of strange fruit hanging from native California fan palms, sycamores and coastal live oaks in Encinitas has been destroyed. 

The fruit continued to hang from imported eucalyptus and Monterey cypress trees. Photo postcards that showed Encinitans celebrating strange fruit have also been destroyed. The written and photographic evidence was burned.

As time marched slowly on, the acts of racial and ethnic violence became less blatant. It’s not correct to say they became subtle, but there was surely a swept-under-the-rug character to the change. Lift a corner of the rug and there the white supremacy was, looking like milk, sugar or snow.

If blacks or ethnic minorities missed the signals and dared to enter Encinitas, let alone tried to settle here, they were quickly ushered to the exits. White supremacy now, white supremacy tomorrow, white supremacy forever was the unmistakable message.

When former slave Nate Harrison tried to make Encinitas his home in the later 1880s, he was ridden out of town on a California Southern rail and banished to the south grade of Palomar Mountain.

Encinitas teachers taught white supremacy in schools, while parents reinforced the agenda at home. Children could not escape the racist mantra. Today it’s more like an undercurrent, but make no mistake, it’s there.

NONE OF THE ABOVE IS TRUE! 

IN FACT, QUITE THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE.

Maybe Encinitas4Equality would be useful in locations where the problems it wants to solve actually exist.

Blithe Spirit Demonstrates How to Ride in a Sharrow

“I’m a child of the universe,” said Ayre Head, “the universe protects me. As an extra safeguard in case the universe takes its eye off me for a split second, I wear a helmet when riding my bike in a sharrow.”

With the global population at 7.9 billion, the universe has a lot of people to look out for. Then the countless billions of other living things have to be considered. Is the universe looking out for them too?

Perhaps the universe has established priorities. If so, it stands to reason that a young woman riding a beach cruiser on Highway 101 in Leucadia would be at or near the top of the protection list.

After all, that stretch of highway has gotten a lot of attention in the past decade or so. What with road diets, narrowed traffic lanes, speed tables, reduced speed limits, sharrows, dedicated bike lanes, roundybouts, crosswalks and private property buyouts, Leucadia Highway 101 has garnered great notice worldwide.

And as goes the world, so goes the universe. Doubtless, the heightened global attention paid to Leucadia Highway 101 has not gone unnoticed in the universe at large.

Consequently, Ms. Ayre Head can feel blissful, carefree and safe riding her bike in a sharrow on Highway 101 in Leucadia.

California Governor: Will It Be Tasha or Blakespear?

Tasha got a head start in the race with Blakespear to take the governor’s mansion by quitting the Encinitas City Council in 2018 and winning the state Assembly District 76 seat. Blakespear was caught by surprise. She didn’t recognize political ambition when she saw it. She was busy gathering marbles to add to her bag of offices, boards and agencies.

Tasha and Blakespear are only three years apart in age (Tasha is older), but if the race gets down and dirty, Tasha has a weight advantage. Both have two kids, Blakespear has a less cumbersome surname – an amalgam – while Tasha’s suffers from length, a hyphen and pronunciation difficulties.

Blakespear’s counter to Tasha’s Assembly seat grab is a run in 2022 for state Senate in District 36. Republican Pat Bates is terming out. Blakespear jumped in early, has a campaign manager, an office address in Sacramento, and has already amassed a substantial war chest. The primary is almost a year away, and the general about a year and a half. So far, there’s barely been a peep from Democrat or Republican opponents of Blakespear.

Tasha handily won reelection in 2020. She’s been busy legislating and, now, raising money for her 2022 campaign. If Blakespear wins the Senate seat, Tasha will already have had four years’ Sacramento experience when Blakespear shows up. Unlike Tasha, Blakespear has a law degree. Many California governors have been lawyers. In politics, that’s probably an advantage.

It’s not impossible for a state Assembly or Senate member to jump from the legislature to the governor’s office, but the trail usually goes through a state executive office like lieutenant governor, secretary of state or attorney general. Of course, there’s the oddball case of Arnold Swarzenegger, who went from Mr. Universe to the governor’s chair with stops in a bunch of movies along the way.

Las Vegas oddsmakers have not yet tagged the Tasha-Blakespear quest for the governorship with percentages, but Encinitas locals are known to be placing private bets.

 

BIA: If We Build It, Water Will Come

“It’s a law of physics discovered by Isaac Newton,” said BIA spokesman Toro Mierda. “Buildings, asphalt and concrete attract rain. Much more rain falls on developed areas than undeveloped areas.

“We have nothing to worry about here in California or anywhere in the arid West,” said Mierda. “We already have the solution. It’s more development. More homes, more commercial buildings, more roads, more parking lots, more people. If we cover the land with development, we’ll get more rain.

“The reason for the drought in California and throughout the arid West is we haven’t developed enough of the land,” said Mierda. “It’s obvious that if we developed the Sierra Nevada and the Rocky Mountains, we’d get more snowfall in the winter and rainfall in the summer. 

“The snow would melt and run downhill just like the rain,” said Mierda. “We’d have plenty of drinking, bathing, sprinkling, car-washing, swimming and farm water. There would be no shortages or rationing. Millions upon millions more people could live in California, Nevada, Arizona and other Western states.

“We could get rid of the desalination facilities,” said Mierda. “They kill a lot of fish and other marine life, and the salt slag they dump back in the ocean makes it way too salty.

“So all the NIMBYs should wake up to the reality that the BIA already knows,” said Mierda. “We’re tired of hearing the naysayers whining. The answer is more development. Unlimited development will bring the rain!”