Don’t Worry, Be Happy! Everything’s Gonna Be All Right!

Relax! I’m the president, I have this virus thing wired. Look at me. I’m a big, tough guy. I have great hair. Nobody gets the better of me. I whip ’em all. No invisible virus is gonna knock me over.

Follow my example. Forget about the so-called experts. They have no common sense, no gut instincts. They stick to stuff like data and evidence.

You can congregate. You can worship. You can eat in a restaurant. You can golf. You can go to the beach. You can party.

For protection, take hydroxychloroquine pills or drink the liquid. Inject or drink Clorox. Get UV light inside your body. These things will stop the virus in its tracks. Don’t wait a year or two for a vaccine. Get ahead of the bug now.

Everybody can get a test. I get one every day. I always pass. I don’t wear a mask. I don’t wear a face shield. You don’t have to either.

We’re Americans. We demand freedom. We demand liberty. We can’t let the government push us around. We can’t be cooped up at home all day for weeks or months. It’s spring. Pretty soon it’ll be summer. We have to live our normal lives. We have to get our economy going again. We have to get our country going again.

Damn the droplets, full speed ahead!

The Red Tide Is a Commie Plot!

“Of course it’s a commie plot,” said Amar Reo, “why else would it be called a red tide?

“You can say that collusion was a hoax, that the Mueller Report was a hoax, that the Steele Dossier was a hoax, that impeachment was a hoax and even that the coronavirus is a hoax, but the red tide is real. You can see it, you can smell it, it’s killing fish. It’s using up all the oxygen. There’s no doubt it’s real.

“It’s a commie plot to foul our air, slime our ocean and take away our freedom to surf. The Russians, the Chinese, the North Koreans and all the other commies got together and figured out a sneaky way to mess us up. They made it look like biology.

“But the science is fake. The commie plot is devious genius. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Blakespear and the other pinkos are in on it. None of them surf anyway, so the red tide doesn’t bother them. I bet they live far enough away from the ocean that they can’t smell it either.

“The commies will stop at nothing. They’re out to take away our freedoms and destroy our democracy. They envy the American way of life. But they want everybody to wear a uniform and think the same. When they can’t beat us one way, they try another.

“The red tide is their latest try. But they won’t win. They won’t bury us. Surfers will unite, get tubed in the green room and beat the damn commies!”

Encinitas Installs Multi-Modal Slalom Course Across Cardiff Flats

Bicyclists, walkers (with and without dogs), runners, skateboarders and rollerbladers are meeting the challenge of the multi-modal slalom course the city of Encinitas recently installed between Chesterfield Drive and the Solana Beach border.

“Are those zebra skins real?” said Bea Dufus.

“They’re not zebra skins,” said Trey Walker. “They’re painted curbs. It’s really fun to weave in and out between them. That adds to the challenge of several travel modes put together in a narrow space.”

“I like the green bollards and patches on the pavement,” said Eterri Roe. “Visual confusion is important because consistency makes a slalom course too easy.”

“The black asphalt looks really great,” said Sandy Tohs. “The contrast between black, white and green makes everything stand out. The route is color-coded. It takes a trip or two to get the meanings down, but when you do you can do better time through the course.”

“I consistently ring the little bell on my handlebars as I ride through the course,” said Belle Wringer. “Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! That gets people’s attention so they get out of my way. Dog walkers hear my bell behind them and quickly yank their dogs to heel. Those leashes can easily trip up a biking slalom run.”

“Since the city killed the Surfing Madonna Beach Run,” said Veri Kuhl, “maybe they’ll replace it with the Cardiff Multi-Modal Slalom Clash. That would give a lot more than runners a chance to compete.”

Protesters’ Rallying Cry: Give Me Liberty and Death!

They’re taking away our freedoms! It’s tyranny! They’re coming for our guns!

This pandemic thing is a hoax. There aren’t really over a million cases and 67,000 deaths in the US. That’s a lie spread by the elite and the lefty media. Fauci and the others aren’t experts. They’re frauds.

Wearing masks and keeping six feet away from other people is a joke. It’s a scam by mask and measuring-tape makers.

The elite want to shut down their competition. They just want to limit the options and hoard more money for themselves.

Everybody except Trump and his favorites is wrong. They just want to keep us scared to death and take advantage of the fear they spread.

Trump and his buddies are the only ones who know what they’re talking about. They got ahead of the curve, and they’ve been right about everything from the start.

Workers want to work. Teachers want to teach. Runners want to run. Bikers want to ride. Skaters want to skate. Surfers want to surf. Swimmers want to swim. Nobody wants to hunker down at home all day and night. This stay home stuff is a bunch of hooey. We want freedom!

So what if a few old farts die. They had it coming anyway. They’re just taking up space that could be better used by young people.

So what if a few blacks and browns die. They don’t produce anything. They don’t pay taxes. Most are on food stamps and welfare. They’re leeching off the rest of us. Good riddance.

Long live liberty and assault rifles!