Mysterious Bumper Stickers Appear in Olivenhain

Bumper stickers reading “Swat the Fly!” have turned up recently in Olivenhain. Their meaning is not immediately apparent. Olivenhainians have been speculating:

“Well, since the bumper stickers first showed up in Olivenhain where there are lots of horses that attract flies,” said Frank Kimball, “I suppose the message is ‘Let’s get rid of the horse flies.’”

“I heard there’s been an unusually heavy invasion of fruit flies,” said Val Sereno. “I don’t know if that’s only in Olivenhain, but if it is, maybe that’s what the bumper stickers are about.”

“Probably about 10 years ago,” said Olivia Grove, “there were bumper stickers that said ‘Dump Stocks’. They weren’t investment advice, and they weren’t only on Olivenhain cars. Back then a lot of Encinitas people wanted to get rid of a mayor named Stocks. Bumper stickers are often political. That’s my guess for ‘Swat the Fly!’, but the connection is vague.”

Local Man Practices Dangerous Hobby

Perhaps you’ve seen balanced columns of rounded stones standing upright on Encinitas beaches. People select beach stones by size, shape and color and carefully stack them two or even three feet high in what can be called works of art.

The stone stackers stand or squat alongside their creations so they avoid injury in case of a collapse. In other words, they don’t sit and straddle the column as they stack.

The man in the photo above is not stacking beach stones, but he’s using similar techniques — with one notable exception. He’s straddling his growing stone column and risking collapse onto a vital area. The man is living dangerously.

To avoid grave injury, public health professionals recommend not straddling the column while stacking stones.

Fruit Fly Don’t Bother Me

Many Encinitas residents have reported invasions of fruit flies in their kitchens and pantries. Perhaps better known as Drosophila melanogaster, fruit flies are attracted to unrefrigerated produce. They enter homes as undetected adults or eggs on store-bought or homegrown produce.

Fruit flies look like miniature versions of house flies. Although not as quick as house flies at evading swats, their life cycle is shorter, and their reproduction is faster and more abundant. Fruit flies also hide better than house flies because they’re so small. These factors help fruit flies persist. 

Any victim of a fruit fly invasion who thinks he or she has rid the kitchen and pantry environment of the flies will usually find lingering specimens.

Scientists use fruit flies for biological research in genetics, physiology, microbial pathogenesis, and life history evolution. The flies are used in research due to their rapid life cycle, relatively simple genetics (only four pairs of chromosomes), and large number of offspring per generation. Through 2017, five Nobel Prizes have been awarded to drosophilists for their work with fruit flies.

Although seen as pests, fruit flies have made significant contributions to humankind.

Fruit fly porn, with watcher.

Encinitas Reserves Affordable Housing for Rich Investors

Scrooge McDuck and Milburn Pennybags were among the rich investors who bought affordable housing units in Encinitas with the city’s approval.

The city must give equal opportunity when considering approval of affordable housing sales. It is bound by law to consider rich investors as well as qualified low-income applicants.

The city’s Equity Committee, which is run with unimpeachable integrity by Mayor Catherine Blakespear and Councilwoman Kellie Hinze, approved affordable housing sales to McDuck and Pennybags, among others.

“After all,” said Blakespear, “rich outsiders like McDuck and Pennybags invest in equities, which is what our Equity Committee is all about.”

Striving to meet the state’s affordable housing mandate, the city encourages developers to build 15 to 20% of its projects as affordable units that match Housing and Urban Development (HUD) income figures.

To complete the circle, the affordable units must be rented by or sold to low or very low income earners. Despite having many applicants who qualified to buy units by virtue of their income, the city instead approved sales to rich investors. State law requires those investors to rent the units to qualified renters at HUD’s affordable rates for at least 55 years.

Monitoring for compliance has been weak, enabling investors like McDuck and Pennybags to make off with sacks of cash.

Poinsett Heirs Sue Ecke Successor

Just in time for the Christmas season, the Poinsett estate has sued Ecke successor Agribio Group, which bought the Ecke Ranch flower-growing business in 2012.

A generational succession of Eckes used breeding and culturing techniques to develop a host of colorful potted plant varieties they called poinsettias.

Joel Poinsett, US minister to Mexico in the 1820s, brought the red and green shrub Euphorbia pulcherrima home. It had been attractive in Mexico and remained so in the US because its upper leaves turn red during the Christmas season. The combination of red and green leaves that appear in December make the plant a natural fit.

Court records show that the first Paul Ecke said, “Well, we couldn’t expect to sell plants called Euphorbia pulcherrima, so as we developed them we called them poinsettias, which others were already doing at the time.

The Poinsett heirs’ suit claims “wanton theft and misuse of our family name for commercial gain without permission, attribution or compensation.” Casual use of poinsettia to name the plant is fine with the heirs; it’s widespread commercial use that’s the problem.

Since Agribio Group bought the business outright, the Ecke family bears no liability. Any settlement or judgment would be borne by Agribio Group.

Skinny stringer, you old age stinger

You stung your arm last night

It sent your mind a-wand’rin’

You’re such a sleaze, please do leave

Don’t stay in the flop house by the ocean

Slow-talkin’ guys with strange red eyes

Have put things in your head

And sent your mind a-wand’rin’

They failed you so, please do go

Please get out now of the Portofino

Portofino, Portofino

Where life’s never smooth

You’ll lose your mind in the mornin’

You can amble through needle park

Throw up all day in the Portofino

Like life told you, can you dig it?

If you wanna leave

We’ll be glad to help you

Ah, ’cause we loathe you so, please do go

Please get out now of the Portofino

Portofino, Portofino

Where life’s never smooth

You’ll lose your mind in the mornin’

You can amble through needle park

Throw up all day in the Portofino

Portofino

Portofino

Portafino

Mali Woods-Drake wears a red mask and black T-shirt as she addresses the BLM crowd.

Who Is Mali Woods-Drake and Why Are Locals Talking About Her?

As far as Google knows, Mali Woods-Drake first came to prominence in Encinitas as an organizer of Black Lives Matter protests following the murder of George Floyd in late May 2020.

In late April 2021, the City Council chose Woods-Drake as one of eight members of the Encinitas Equity Committee, created by the council the previous February. The city’s statement:

“The purpose of the Encinitas Equity Committee is to help the City of Encinitas and Encinitas community create safe, healthy, accessible, and inclusive opportunities for everyone who lives, works and visits Encinitas. The committee will provide the forum for a diverse mix of voices to provide suggestions to the City of Encinitas to help plan, prioritize, manage and build projects and programs; frame how we work with our communities and public safety personnel; define how we recruit and develop our employees; guide our efforts to compile and interpret data and set up expectations for stakeholders and sub-contractors that work with us.”

How the committee, which includes Mayor Catherine Blakespear and Councilwoman Kellie Hinze, will accomplish the purpose is not clear.

Note that the Encinitas Equity Committee and Encinitas4Equality (E4E) are separate entities. E4E is a private organization of which Woods-Drake is a director. It maintains a studio and retail location at 414 N. Coast Highway 101 in Leucadia.

At an indeterminate point in the timeline, Woods-Drake was appointed board vice president of the Pacific View Academy of Arts, also known as EACEA, although nobody can remember what that abbreviation stands for.

Woods-Drake is a senior coordinator at the Service Employees International Union (SEIU). It’s been alleged that SEIU owns Mayor Blakespear.

Woods-Drake is a graduate of Bloomfield College in Bloomfield, New Jersey. The college’s statement:

“Bloomfield College is committed to enabling students, particularly those who have been historically excluded from higher education, to realize their intellectual and personal goals. The College’s mission is to prepare students to attain academic, personal, and professional excellence in a multicultural and global society. Bloomfield College is the only 4-year predominately Black and Hispanic serving institution in NJ.”

Although Woods-Drake does not herself appear to be an African-American, she has embraced Black movements and causes. One interpretation is that, like Rev. Al Sharpton, she is a sort of all-purpose Black protester.

Woods-Drake appeared at a Carlsbad press conference to protest a police tasing. She wore a black T-shirt that read “The future is black and female.” According to the Coast News, she “spoke about the historical context of police, noting police forces were originally slave patrols. She said the entire police system in the U.S. was founded and built on oppression.”

Woods-Drake said she has “10+ years experience in labor and community organizing, with a passion for social and racial justice.”

According to the Encinitas Advocate, Woods-Drake said her parents were labor organizers.

“I always joke that I was raised on a picket line, so it’s kind of been in my blood since before I was born,” she said.

“I believe the vast majority of Encinitas residents believe in equality and equity,” Woods-Drake said. “Because this isn’t something that we deal with on a day-to-day basis — we don’t experience a lot of racism when there’s not a lot of race diversity here — [E4E] created an avenue for people to get involved who have been looking for a way to do something in their own backyard.”

It appears the Equity Committee and E4E are a solution to a problem that barely exists in Encinitas.

Blakespear Celebrates Corpse (Plant) in Encinitas

Having invited hordes of homeless people to town, having greenlighted unbridled development in the city and having had her bike lanes responsible for dozens of injuries and at least one death, Encinitas Mayor Catherine Blakespear was hungry for a positive PR moment. Her opportunity came with the bloom of a corpse plant at San Diego Botanic Garden, formerly known as Quail Botanical Gardens.

The corpse plant’s scientific name, Amorphophallus titanum, translates to giant, misshapen, erect penis, a fact Blakespear did not mention.

Thousands of visitors flocked to the garden to see, smell and photograph the corpse plant, which blooms gloriously for only 48 hours.

As it blooms, the flower releases a putrid odor likened to rotting flesh. The odor has evolved to ensure the perpetuation of the species. The stench attracts carrion beetles and flesh flies that help the plant pollinate. 

“Something’s rotten in the city of Encinitas,” said a visitor to the garden as she held her nose and giggled at her Shakespeare reference.

The corpse plant grows in the wild in the equatorial rainforests of Sumatra, Indonesia, where it blooms infrequently. Although the latitude of Encinitas is much farther north, the plant is not regarded as an invasive species because it’s confined to the botanic garden. 

“Perhaps the botanists at the gardens can get the corpse plant to bloom more often,” said Blakespear. “Events like this bring more people to Encinitas. They enjoy themselves and patronize local businesses, so everybody wins.”

Encinitas Activists Want Cardiff Underrepresented in Redistricting

Under federal law, cities must redraw electoral districts after each federal census. The city’s districts must be redrawn by April 22, 2022. To help accomplish this, the city is conducting public hearings and workshops.

Encinitas activists were immediately struck by the lack of resident participation at the first public hearing.

“I think the public has lost faith in city government generally,” said activist Larry Gomorka, “and the fiasco of creating voting districts is an example of why. When the districts were first drawn, it was later revealed that then-Councilwoman Tasha Boerner Horvath had anonymously submitted the map the council adopted. Still later, it was revealed that the whole council had devised the map and had Tasha submit it.

“The map was designed to retain the five then-sitting council members — no one would be pushed out or have to compete with another member for reelection,” said Gomorka. “That’s why the districts are so oddly shaped. For example, to benefit Mark Muir, a weird appendage had to be added to Cardiff to include Muir’s residence in New Encinitas.

“Given these blatant districting manipulations,” said Gomorka, “and the many other damaging decisions by the City Council, who can blame residents for losing faith in city government? Residents’ interests are ignored. Residents can’t win. We are steamrollered by a council and a staff that don’t care about us. They’re all in it for themselves.

“Yet some of us are diehards,” said Gomorka. “We decided to fight fire with fire. We have devised a way to ensure that Cardiff in underrepresented. The mayor and another council member live in Cardiff. Cardiff got a quiet zone. Cardiff got the rail trail. Cardiff got the Chesterfield crossing improved. Cardiff has the Verdi crossing designed. Cardiff has its own library.

“Cardiff is favored,” said Gomorka. “The only way to stop the abuse is to shrink Cardiff’s electoral district. We’ll draw the district to exclude Blakespear or Lyndes. Better yet, we’ll exclude both.”

In the interest of balanced reporting, the views of city staffer Xavier Onassis are included.

“The redistricting process has unimpeachable integrity,” said Onassis. “We have engaged legal assistance from Nielsen Merksamer, Christopher Skinnell and demographers Douglas Johnson and Shannon Kelly from National Demographics Corporation to assist with the redistricting process. We assure the voting public that the process and result will conform to the state’s Fair Maps Act of 2020.”

HairClub Hires Two New Hucksters

Warning to balding men and women worldwide: 

HairClub has hired two new hucksters to peddle its preventatives and remedies around the globe.

The two new hires are Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Boris Johnson and disgraced ex-President of the United States Donald J. Trump. The terms of Trump’s contract allow him to also peddle Bronx Colors, a treatment that turns his skin orange.

To present a coordinated color scheme, Johnson’s light blond mane harmonizes with his pinkish face, while Trump’s sprayed-to-stick orange coif closely matches his color-treated skin.

The two men are known for their similar bombastic styles and their ability to lie with impunity. Those characteristics make them ideal salesmen.

HairClub press releases emphasize that their products work for hair of any color. They claim that only hair growth, not hair or skin color, is affected. These claims are to allay customers’ fears that their hair and skin color will change to match Johnson’s or Trump’s.

For those Caucasian customers who want to emulate Johnson’s skin color, HairClub recommends complete avoidance of sunlight. To mimic Trump’s skin color, HairClub commends Bronx Colors, the Swiss facial makeup brand. It can be supplemented with tanning-bed sessions, depending on individual customers’ facilities and schedules.

A disclaimer in the HairClub press release points out the irony of Trump’s using Bronx Colors, saying he was born and grew up in Queens.

Blakespear Looks Forward to Goodson Groundbreaking

Hacked communication: 

Randy, I know you’ve been into building your colossal apartment house for a long time and have put a lot of money into it, but I have to urge you to accept that now is just not the right time for us to approve it. The opposition group is very strong and really have their ducks in a row. There’s unusually high awareness in the larger community simply because of the enormous size of your project. Add to that its awkward location and the many problems it poses. I mean, gee whiz, you can’t ignore putting thousands of people’s lives in danger!

But the overriding problem is the timing. Two other council members and I have elections coming up. What do you think the chances are of any of us winning if we vote to approve a project — that’s your project, Randy — that’s a blatant, opportunistic manipulation of state laws and local ordinances and, consequently, is on very shaky legal grounds?

Plus, the optics aren’t good. The massive building doesn’t fit its location physically or conceptually as part of the community. On top of that, while claiming to benefit low income people, you’ve shoehorned those tiny units into the worst locations in the building. And, Randy, even I have to say that your claim of doing Olivenhain and Encinitas a favor by plopping your colossus on the corner of Rancho Santa Fe Road and Encinitas Boulevard is transparently silly and offensive. And by the way, you don’t own half the width of Rancho Santa Fe Road. That claim is absurd.

Randy, you know I supported SB9 and SB10, and I opposed and tried to kill Prop A — including suing my constituents. I pushed Measures T and U through when I knew they were unpopular and wouldn’t pass. I force-fed approval of the Housing Element. I support and continue to torture residents with things like the Cycle Trap, Leucadia Streetscape and that huge, oddly named imposition on the north Leucadia bluffs. I’ve betrayed residents in virtually every way possible — even worse than Barth, Shaffer, Kranz and Mosca. People compare Stocks favorably with me for cripe’s sake!

So all this is to say that for you to expect me to vote for your overwhelming apartment house now is a bridge way too far. I must ask you to back off. I must ask you to delay. The primary for my state Senate election is in June 2022. The general election is that November. If I win the Senate seat, I’ll still have local influence that, combined with my newfound state power, will let me get your project greenlighted. I’ll be able to say I regret its unprecedented height and mass and the evacuation dangers it poses, but that it does help fulfill our housing mandate, including those tiny affordable units. After you make some sleight-of-hand adjustments, I can say it complies with state laws and local ordinances. I can say my hands are tied, I must abide by the law. I can take advantage of the fact that voters have short memories.

Randy, the council never uses common sense to guide its decisions, so it’s ironic I’m asking you to use yours now. Be patient, you’ll get what you want. I’ll be at your groundbreaking with a gold shovel.

Lisa Bartlett

Catherine Blakespear

California District 36 Senate Race Rumored to Be Heating Up

The June primary is eight months away, and the November general election is more than a year from now. The field of candidates is rumored to be filling out. 

First to announce was Carlsbad City Council Member Priya Bhat-Patel. Sadly for vocal local Democrats, she dropped out months later.

Next to announce was Encinitas Mayor Catherine Blakespear. Sadly for some vocal local Democrats, the controversial Blakespear is hanging in there.

Apparently not wanting to yield the seat without a fight, Orange County Supervisor Lisa Bartlett, the stealth Republican candidate, is poised to jump in.

Blakespear, as mayor of Encinitas and chair of SANDAG, and Bartlett, as former mayor of Dana Point and current county supervisor, have comparable résumés.

Blakespear is the Democratic Party’s anointed one. Her list of endorsements by fellow Democratic politicians is as long as your left arm.

Bartlett holds the county supervisorial seat formerly held by Republican Pat Bates, who is the current but termed-out senator in District 36. It seems a safe assumption that Bates will back Bartlett when and if she declares her candidacy. Bartlett endorsed Larry Elder during the September attempt to recall Governor Gavin Newsom, so there’s that.

Assuming that Bartlett runs, unless other formidable candidates appear before the June primary, Blakespear and Bartlett will take the two spots on the ballot and go head to head in November 2022.

As of February 10, 2021, there were 620,236 registered voters in the district. Of those, 34.18% were Democrats, 35.57% were Republicans, and the remainder were independent or scattered among other parties.

The redistricting that will precede the primary election is not expected to change the district’s statistics much. In 2018, incumbent Bates kept the seat by a 3% margin.

At post time, it looks like a tight race next year.

City Council Bans Farting in Encinitas

The City Council has banned natural gas in Encinitas. The ban is not retroactive, so residents needn’t worry about past offenses.

Going forward, however, residents can expect to be monitored by the city’s crackerjack code enforcement department. Because Covid-19 and its variants are still a looming presence, the department will temporarily use Zoom to monitor residents and to issue warnings and citations.

The ban applies to silent but deadly farts as well as trumpet and tuba farts. Wet farts will be dealt with severely.

The Encinitas Grocers and Restaurateurs Council (EGRC) reported plunging sales of beans and chili. The economic damage has not yet been calculated.

Mayor Catherine Blakespear and Councilman Joe Mosca issued a joint statement to explain the farting-ban ordinance and its justification:

“We would like to begin by quoting Medical News Today, a noted authority: ‘Endogenous gas consists mainly of hydrogen and, for some people, methane. It can also contain small amounts of other gases, such as hydrogen sulfide, which make farts smell bad.’

“In the vernacular, farting is often called ‘blowing a raspberry.’ Whether cited in popular or scientific vocabulary, farts are offensive to victims while providing relief to practitioners. 

"And as W. H. Auden said, ‘Most people enjoy the sight of their own handwriting as they enjoy the smell of their own farts.’

“However, the more important and overriding concerns are the motivating force behind the city ordinance. Those concerns are the offensive noise and odor of most farts, and their addition of methane and hydrogen sulfide to the atmosphere.

“While hydrogen sulfide is not a greenhouse gas, climate and environmental scientists are concerned about its levels in the atmosphere. Methane is widely known to be more than 25 times as potent as carbon dioxide at trapping heat in the atmosphere.

“The ordinance banning farting is an important component of the city’s Climate Action Plan, which has CAP as its meaningful acronym.

“In closing, I will add a personal request: Please contribute to my campaign for state Senate in District 36 and vote for me in the June 2022 primary so I can advance to the November general election. Thank you.”

Encinitas Organization’s Secret Password Revealed

“My grandpa told me about an olden-days TV show,” said a source who spoke on condition of anonymity. “It was called Lassie. It was about a boy, his collie dog and their family. They lived on a farm out in the country. 

“The dog’s name was Lassie,” said the source. “The boy’s name was Jeff and he had a friend named Porky. When the boys met, they yelled ‘Eee-Ya-Kee!’ from a distance as a greeting and a kind of password.

“I told the members of the Encinitas Equity Committee and the Encinitas4Equality organization about the show and the greeting,” said the source. “They all liked it, so we changed it a little bit and adopted it as our secret password. But we don’t yell it. We just enthusiastically say ‘Eee-4-Eee!’ as a greeting and to affirm we’re on the same team and have the same purpose.

“I don’t feel like a traitor for revealing the ‘Eee-4-Eee!’ password because it makes us inclusive,” said the source. “I think everybody should be on the E4E team and share our purpose. We should support our mayor and City Council because we know their good intentions. We know they sincerely want to level the playing field so everybody has the same opportunities and is treated with dignity and respect.

“We know our mayor and City Council members are all decent, unselfish people who always act for the good of the community,” said the source. “When we meet, all of us smile and enthusiastically say ‘Eee-4-Eee!’”

Local Activist Worried Over Alphabet Problem

“Naming the Covid variants by letters of the Greek alphabet is a good idea,” said local activist Larry Gomorka. It makes them easy to tell apart and lets you apply the right details to each. I understand the Delta variant is more contagious that the previous variant – was that Gamma? – and even some vaccinated people are getting infected with it.

“Now I’m reading about the Mu variant,” said Gomorka. “But what about all the Greek letters between delta and mu? There are seven. I could name them if you want. OK: epsilon, zeta, eta, theta, iota, kappa, lambda.

“What about those?” said Gomorka. “Why were they skipped? Is there some kind of discrimination going on there?

“Then there are 11 more letters between mu and omega,” said Gomorka. “I could name them if you want. OK: nu, xi, omicron, pi, rho, sigma, tau, upsilon, phi, chi, psi. Omega is the end. What do you do after that? Go to letters in some other ancient language?

“I don’t know,” said Gomorka, “it’s all Greek to me.” 

Teenage Electric Bike Gangs Invade Encinitas

They’ve been called Little Wild Ones and Hell’s Angelitos. They’re teenagers on electric bikes!

Colorfully garbed and accessorized, gender and racially diverse, the unruly teenage electric bike gangs are recklessly roving Encinitas, disregarding stop signs, traffic signals, lane stripes and rules of the road.

The young rebels without a cause endanger pedestrians and traditional bicyclists, including the Spandex crowd. They thumb their snotty noses at cars, trucks and golf carts. They exceed sharrows and speed the wrong way on one-way streets.

Using alleys, driveways, backyards and little-known trails, the teenage misfits evade sheriff’s deputies and well-intentioned local vigilantes.

Lawlessness is not unknown in Encinitas, but it has never risen with such speed to such heights. Seemingly overnight, teenage electric bike gangs have taken over the city.

“Not my little darlings,” said Encinitas Mayor Catherine Blakespear. “My kids always colored within the lines, and that habit has transferred to their bicycling. I can’t account for irresponsible parents who let their kids run wild. I suggest residents voice their concerns to sheriff’s Captain Herbert Taft. Helicopter patrols and drone strikes could be in order.”

Decent, law-abiding citizens probably still outnumber teenage electric bike gang members. To regain control by suppressing lawless bicycling, those citizens can model their biking behavior on this city-produced video:

https://encinitasca.gov/Government/Departments/Public-Safety/Law-Enforcement/Electric-Bikes

Encinitas Mayor Calls for Supporters to Sign Whereas Pledge

Encinitas Mayor Catherine Blakespear has called for supporters to sign her Whereas Pledge as an authorization to continue her personal, politically ambitious, ultra-progressive agenda.

§ Whereas I, Catherine Blakespear, am the duly-elected mayor of Encinitas, I have the right to ignore any constituent who disagrees with me.

§ Whereas I am the mayor of Encinitas, I have the right to evade Proposition A and, further, to try to kill it.

§ Whereas I am the mayor of Encinitas, I have the right to sue residents who supported Proposition A and then pretend I didn’t sue them.

§ Whereas my campaigns are largely funded by the BIA and PACs, I have the right to favor their interests over those of my regular constituents.

§ Whereas I contend that increased density provides affordable housing and reduces greenhouse gas emissions, I can approve projects with a minimum of 80 percent market-rate housing that increase traffic congestion and GHGs.

§ Whereas I am the chairwoman of SANDAG and sit on several local and regional boards, I have the right to pursue my ultra-progressive agenda in those organizations.

§ Whereas I live in Cardiff, I can use my power and influence to bring benefits to that community while not doing so for other Encinitas communities. For example, I got a railroad quiet zone for Cardiff but not for downtown Encinitas or Leucadia.

§ Whereas I occasionally ride a bicycle, I can impose unsafe bicycle infrastructure throughout Encinitas to the disadvantage of motor vehicle drivers and then blame those drivers for collisions with bicyclists.

§ Whereas I know next to nothing about Leucadia, I can impose a Streetscape project there (estimated to cost in the neighborhood of $60 million) that will gridlock vehicle traffic and kill roadside businesses.

§ Whereas I am special, privileged and well-funded, I can run for the Senate seat in California District 36, fully expect to win, and proceed to pursue my personal, politically ambitious, ultra-progressive agenda in Sacramento.

§ Whereas I don’t want to cast negative light on myself during my Senate run, I can delete derogatory comments from my campaign’s Facebook page.

There’s a Pronounced Difference

As a segue from dengue, it would be a catastrophe if Phoebe, Daphne or Persephone lapsed into syncope while wearing a serape, eating sesame and searching for a fettucine recipe in a wickape hut. 

If a wannabe misplaced an apostrophe while tuning a calliope, that wouldn’t be a simile but the epitome would be worthy of study by a haole. 

Maybe an aborigine would say gimme acne and reach the acme while eating abalone with guacamole or tickling an anemone in an adobe facsimile near tule.

Never mind, it’s hyperbole!

City Council Welcomes First Encinitas Skyscraper

What’s a nice little coastal city without its own skyscraper? Not much, according to the Encinitas City Council.

Mandy Baddaughter proposed a double solution to the affordable housing and unused Pacific View property problems by bringing a skyscraper development proposal before the Planning Commission.

The skyscraper would top out at 75 stories of apartments. The bottom 50 stories would be a mix of one-, two- and three-bedroom affordable units. The top 25 stories would be market-rate units, with a luxury penthouse taking up the whole 75th floor. Observation floors, a spire and a rotating beacon would cap the building. Parking would be underground and water-scarce landscaping would surround the tower at ground level.

Residents lined up 126 deep to speak in opposition to the skyscraper at the Planning Commission meeting. They raised many negatives about the project and were met with applause from attendees.

Baddaughter presented her side of the argument in a PowerPoint presentation. She was booed and hissed by the crowd.

A geotechnical engineer, a geologist, an anthropologist, an archaeologist, a hydrologist, a traffic engineer, a zoning consultant, a land-use attorney, an astronomer and the fire chief gave their assessments of the project. Nobody had anything good to say.

After a few minutes’ discussion, the Planning Commission unanimously denied the project.

Two weeks later, the Baddaughter project came before the City Council for consideration. Because there was so much public opposition, each speaker was limited to one minute. Pretty much the same people who had spoken to the Planning Commission said pretty much the same things to the council, only shorter.

Baddaughter did her PowerPoint, the same experts who had presented to the Planning Commission made their arguments, and Mayor Blakespear thanked everyone for their input, noting how valuable it had been.

The council blah-blahed for a few minutes, Councilman Mosca made a motion to approve the project, Councilman Kranz seconded the motion, Mayor Blakespear called the question, no discussion ensued, the clerk polled the members, and the council unanimously approved the skyscraper.

Encinitas City Attorney Pens Self-Help Book

With a tip of her bonnet to Dale Carnegie, Encinitas City Attorney Margo Gonzalez has written and self-published a self-help book titled How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.

“There’s no better way to release a self-help book than to self-publish it,” said Gonzalez. “Anything else would be contradictory.”

Self-help books usually point out how people can improve themselves and their relationships with others. By doing that, the books assert, people will lead happier and more successful lives. Not so the Gonzalez book.

“Sure, I know other self-help books are about kissing ass,” said Gonzalez, “but mine is about kicking ass. Nobody’s going to get anywhere by brown-nosing and volunteering to get steamrollered. That’s a recipe for failure.”

Gonzalez acknowledges her approach is contrarian, but she has her justifications.

“Anyone who goes around sucking up to everybody gets no respect,” said Gonzalez. “It’s humiliating. It squashes your self-esteem. It makes you weak. To succeed in life, you have to be strong, you have to whip your enemies, you have to vanquish your foes. It’s not honorable competition. It’s dog eat dog, and the dog with the biggest teeth wins.”

Gonzalez says she didn’t get to be city attorney by being a pushover. To hold her position, and keep her handsome salary, benefits and pension, she says she has to maintain a defensive crouch. If challenged, she has to come out with both guns blazing.

“So, no, I’m not in the business of winning friends and influencing people,” said Gonzalez. “I take the opposite approach, and I recommend it to everybody. That’s what my self-help book is about.”

Governor Newsom Officially Closes California, Says It’s Full.

“I’m stating nothing new here,” said Newsom. “I’m simply getting ahead of the trend. Historically, our state population has always been on the incline, sometimes very steeply. But now it’s actually declined. That’s OK because at almost 40 million, our population is too big.

“That many people packed into a place even as big as California creates a list of problems so long I can’t remember them all,” said Newsom. “So today I’m officially closing the state. No new wannabe residents are allowed to settle and, on top of that, current residents are encouraged to move out. Please go impact some other governor’s state.

“We have more than a dozen wildfires raging in the state,” said Newsom. “We have countless homeless people living on the streets everywhere. We’re running out of water. Farms are going dry. We’re much of the country’s food basket, but we’re in a death spiral. Now the Delta variant is pushing Covid up out of control. Yet with all that, real estate values are astronomical and still climbing.

“As governor,” said Newsom, “it’s my job to protect the residents and resources of the state. That’s the current residents who are determined to stay and the resources that are suffering damage, decline and decay. To do that, the executive decision I’m announcing today is the state’s closure. If conditions improve at some time during my tenure, making it reasonable to reverse my decision, I’ll do that. California is hereby closed.”

Presumptive State Senator Will Reject Encinitas Activists’ Pleas

“As far as I’m concerned, they can all go pound sand,” said presumptive state Senator Catherine Blakespear, a candidate for the 36th District seat. “Those ingrate activists have been dumping on me for years. Nothing I do is good enough for them. So when I’m elected to the state Senate, they can come whining and begging to me, but I won’t give them a thing. What goes around comes around. Since those ungrateful bastards haven’t done a thing for me in my political career, I don’t feel obligated to do anything for them.”

Politicians usually don’t openly alienate any of their constituents. They try to appease everybody or at least occasionally throw their opponents a bone.

“Why should I even listen to those ingrate activists?” said Blakespear. “They’re constantly raking me over the coals on social media like Encinitas Votes. Their names are on that site, but on Encinitas Undercover they’re anonymous. It’s probably a lot of the same people skewering me on both sites. When they come to me after I’m elected as District 36 senator, I’ll return the hatred. I’ll reject their pleas.”

Politicians have to be extremely confident in election victory to condemn some of the very people they’re supposed to represent and serve.

“Those slimeballs even go after my mom, my husband and my kids,” said Blakespear. “I won’t give them the time of day. They can bet their lives I’ll keep that promise. I’ll just go about pursuing my ultra-progressive agenda and my devotion to the BIA and other major campaign contributors.”

Encinitas4Equality: A Solution in Search of a Problem

It’s widely known that Encinitas has been a hotbed of racism and discrimination against minorities since J.S. Pitcher founded the town in 1881.

Pitcher was a white guy. He started the white supremacy that flowered then flowed through the generations to today. The record of strange fruit hanging from native California fan palms, sycamores and coastal live oaks in Encinitas has been destroyed. 

The fruit continued to hang from imported eucalyptus and Monterey cypress trees. Photo postcards that showed Encinitans celebrating strange fruit have also been destroyed. The written and photographic evidence was burned.

As time marched slowly on, the acts of racial and ethnic violence became less blatant. It’s not correct to say they became subtle, but there was surely a swept-under-the-rug character to the change. Lift a corner of the rug and there the white supremacy was, looking like milk, sugar or snow.

If blacks or ethnic minorities missed the signals and dared to enter Encinitas, let alone tried to settle here, they were quickly ushered to the exits. White supremacy now, white supremacy tomorrow, white supremacy forever was the unmistakable message.

When former slave Nate Harrison tried to make Encinitas his home in the later 1880s, he was ridden out of town on a California Southern rail and banished to the south grade of Palomar Mountain.

Encinitas teachers taught white supremacy in schools, while parents reinforced the agenda at home. Children could not escape the racist mantra. Today it’s more like an undercurrent, but make no mistake, it’s there.

NONE OF THE ABOVE IS TRUE! 

IN FACT, QUITE THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE.

Maybe Encinitas4Equality would be useful in locations where the problems it wants to solve actually exist.

Blithe Spirit Demonstrates How to Ride in a Sharrow

“I’m a child of the universe,” said Ayre Head, “the universe protects me. As an extra safeguard in case the universe takes its eye off me for a split second, I wear a helmet when riding my bike in a sharrow.”

With the global population at 7.9 billion, the universe has a lot of people to look out for. Then the countless billions of other living things have to be considered. Is the universe looking out for them too?

Perhaps the universe has established priorities. If so, it stands to reason that a young woman riding a beach cruiser on Highway 101 in Leucadia would be at or near the top of the protection list.

After all, that stretch of highway has gotten a lot of attention in the past decade or so. What with road diets, narrowed traffic lanes, speed tables, reduced speed limits, sharrows, dedicated bike lanes, roundybouts, crosswalks and private property buyouts, Leucadia Highway 101 has garnered great notice worldwide.

And as goes the world, so goes the universe. Doubtless, the heightened global attention paid to Leucadia Highway 101 has not gone unnoticed in the universe at large.

Consequently, Ms. Ayre Head can feel blissful, carefree and safe riding her bike in a sharrow on Highway 101 in Leucadia.

California Governor: Will It Be Tasha or Blakespear?

Tasha got a head start in the race with Blakespear to take the governor’s mansion by quitting the Encinitas City Council in 2018 and winning the state Assembly District 76 seat. Blakespear was caught by surprise. She didn’t recognize political ambition when she saw it. She was busy gathering marbles to add to her bag of offices, boards and agencies.

Tasha and Blakespear are only three years apart in age (Tasha is older), but if the race gets down and dirty, Tasha has a weight advantage. Both have two kids, Blakespear has a less cumbersome surname – an amalgam – while Tasha’s suffers from length, a hyphen and pronunciation difficulties.

Blakespear’s counter to Tasha’s Assembly seat grab is a run in 2022 for state Senate in District 36. Republican Pat Bates is terming out. Blakespear jumped in early, has a campaign manager, an office address in Sacramento, and has already amassed a substantial war chest. The primary is almost a year away, and the general about a year and a half. So far, there’s barely been a peep from Democrat or Republican opponents of Blakespear.

Tasha handily won reelection in 2020. She’s been busy legislating and, now, raising money for her 2022 campaign. If Blakespear wins the Senate seat, Tasha will already have had four years’ Sacramento experience when Blakespear shows up. Unlike Tasha, Blakespear has a law degree. Many California governors have been lawyers. In politics, that’s probably an advantage.

It’s not impossible for a state Assembly or Senate member to jump from the legislature to the governor’s office, but the trail usually goes through a state executive office like lieutenant governor, secretary of state or attorney general. Of course, there’s the oddball case of Arnold Swarzenegger, who went from Mr. Universe to the governor’s chair with stops in a bunch of movies along the way.

Las Vegas oddsmakers have not yet tagged the Tasha-Blakespear quest for the governorship with percentages, but Encinitas locals are known to be placing private bets.

 

BIA: If We Build It, Water Will Come

“It’s a law of physics discovered by Isaac Newton,” said BIA spokesman Toro Mierda. “Buildings, asphalt and concrete attract rain. Much more rain falls on developed areas than undeveloped areas.

“We have nothing to worry about here in California or anywhere in the arid West,” said Mierda. “We already have the solution. It’s more development. More homes, more commercial buildings, more roads, more parking lots, more people. If we cover the land with development, we’ll get more rain.

“The reason for the drought in California and throughout the arid West is we haven’t developed enough of the land,” said Mierda. “It’s obvious that if we developed the Sierra Nevada and the Rocky Mountains, we’d get more snowfall in the winter and rainfall in the summer. 

“The snow would melt and run downhill just like the rain,” said Mierda. “We’d have plenty of drinking, bathing, sprinkling, car-washing, swimming and farm water. There would be no shortages or rationing. Millions upon millions more people could live in California, Nevada, Arizona and other Western states.

“We could get rid of the desalination facilities,” said Mierda. “They kill a lot of fish and other marine life, and the salt slag they dump back in the ocean makes it way too salty.

“So all the NIMBYs should wake up to the reality that the BIA already knows,” said Mierda. “We’re tired of hearing the naysayers whining. The answer is more development. Unlimited development will bring the rain!”

Encinitas Resort Infested With Bedbugs and Crabs

A crowd of unwelcome visitors has descended upon the Mom & Pop Resort in the northwestern Encinitas community of Leucadia.

Normally any hotel would welcome guests with open arms, suites, restaurants, pools and spas. But these visitors are insects — bedbugs and crabs to be exact. The infestation spread with unusual speed and thoroughness. Human guests reported sightings, crawlings and bites in every nook and cranny of the hotel and their bodies.

Knowing the persistence, resilience and stealth of bedbugs, Mom & Pop were quick to bring in Acme Fumigators. At post time, the bedbug infestation was said to have gone down to defeat.

To be clear, the crabs were not the kind you find on the beach — either burrowed into the sand or in the ocean itself. These crabs are far more personal. They are extremely small, and they infest people’s nether regions. In a quite amazing survival strategy, they lay even-smaller eggs called nits that wrap themselves around individual pubic hairs.

Being astute observers, Mom & Pop recognized that ridding the resort and its human guests of crabs and nits was not a job for Acme Fumigators. Accordingly, Mom & Pop provided complimentary bottles of Nix® and luxurious nit combs. 

During personal instruction sessions, resort personnel cautioned hotel guests to closely follow the Nix® directions and demonstrated nitpicking on anatomically correct manikins.

To facilitate the crab- and nit-riddance process, Mom & Pop provided complimentary magnifying glasses, hand mirrors and tweezers.

Just before post time, resort spokesperson Gary Indiana reported that not only was the crabs infestation under control but completely eliminated. Indiana apologized for the inconvenience, admitted that not even imposing, overpriced resorts are immune from insect infestations, and offered affected guests credits and complimentary future stays.